just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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