I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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