I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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