He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
