i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
