I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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