Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Too much gin, very little bucket
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
