mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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