Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
