I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
