I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
