That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
