Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize