I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
whose parrot is this?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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