You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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