Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
