I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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