I think im going to throw up on grandma
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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