maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
