My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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