Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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