im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
