I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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