You don't have asthma, your pregnant
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
