so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
