margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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