Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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