I'm gonna have a badass scar
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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