I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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