They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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