I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
