You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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