Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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