Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
