We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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