Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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