You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Randomize
