I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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