I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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