Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
