eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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