I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
