lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
