Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
