Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize