69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
