Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Randomize
