I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
