omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
this just has baby written all over it
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
