If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
