I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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