i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
