How'd it feel making her break her religion?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
