So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize