I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
two words...techno handjob
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
