I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
