WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
