I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
