OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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