I wanna bring you to show and tell
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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