hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
God, I missed his penis.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize