yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
