last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
