shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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