I accidentally burped into my bong.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
