i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
