I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
