No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
