ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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