her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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