we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
